For Today

Well it's been uncharacteristically long since my last post. Sorry to keep my avid readers waiting to hear updates from my life. I can, however, say that this post will be a much better post from last time!

-Big 12 Championship: Yep, this happened. We won, barely, finally. I don't care what anyone says, a win is a win is a win. I would love to beat Alabama in the national championship by one point. Nebraska fans believe there to be some conspiracy in the Big 12 that caters to Texas and Texas athletics. Seriously, grow up and don't be a sore loser. teehee. Although this night was fun and I enjoyed being there, I was saddened because I was unable to attend the wedding of one of my best friends from Texas City. Katie, I'm terribly sorry and will try my hardest to make it up to you! I heard that it was an amazing wedding and that you made a beautiful bride

-Job search: HUGE UPDATES. Okay, well I don't exactly have a job but I do have some leads! So the other day I was having some quiet time and just thinking about my time here in Texas City. Well, I don't know how it happened but it did. I started to think about taking my chances and trying to find a job in Austin. Soon this turned into "I should just move to Austin and see where the Lord takes me." So, I came up with the best resume I could (with the help of Carly Gruen-Bradshaw) and talked to the people who know the most people in Austin (mainly brett rodgers with a little john porter sprinkled in there). This is a PSA for all yall in Austin, if you know of a job there for me I would gladly give you my resume. It's not too impressive but I'm a great worker!

-Family: This situation could be a lot better. I need to get out of here before something crazy happens. I think I've changed so much since I've been gone and I can only take so much of my parents and they can only take so much of me. We're just different people and I don't think they understand how I'm not the same person I was when we first left Texas City for Austin. Hopefully something happens soon.

Other than that, things are going pretty well. I'm doing a lot better with having quiet times than I was! God is good! Please be praying that God opens some major doors in Austin. If He does, it's obvious that Austin is where I need to be and not here in Texas City! On another note, I've been listening to a lot of Bluegrass music lately. I don't know what that's about but maybe I'm just getting back to my roots you could say. teehee, The Avett Brothers are a new favorite! If you haven't heard of them, listen to this song and you'll be hooked! Texas Fight!

meh

I haven't written in a while so I just wanted to update and let yall know how things are going. To be honest, these past few days have been pretty lame. I still don't have a job but have applied for a couple. I've been feeling the heat from the parents and it's starting to burn. And I, of course, instead of running as fast as I can towards Jesus, I just get angry and mad and run away from Him. These are the most trying times in which I need to seek Him and His plan over mine. It just seems like everyday I fall short again and again. I'm tired of it. I swear I'm like a microwave, I just turn on and off, on and off. I want to be on the entire time! I want to be on fire for Jesus!

The weird thing is that God completely answered my prayers and took something from my life that was adding to my struggles. It was weird because I knew that this was a total God thing but I didn't realize that this was a sign from him saying "Hey, don't do that anymore. I'm taking this out of your life so you can't." I have found other ways around it but it hasn't been as bad as it used to be. Still, I know that I could have been living my life these past couple of weeks without this struggle in my life. God is testing me right now and I'm failing. Pray that I can pass this test.

I'm still searching for a job as I indicated earlier in the post. If anyone knows anyone working in the Galveston-Texas City area in a government job, please let me know! I've been looking for a job at the County and the City offices. I believe this to be a great stepping stone to whatever comes next. Please be praying that I actively pursue jobs more and more! God just won't provide one for me if all I do is watch TV all day! I need to get my butt up and put some effort into it.

It seems like all of my posts are like this. I want to be able to write about the good God is doing in my life and not just all the wamp-wamp stories. I can report that these past few days with my brother have been good! Also, I got to hang out wit some of my extended family the other day and that was a lot of fun! My cousin came down from San Antonio and we hung out at my aunt's house for a while after taking all the kids to this christmas light show in Dickinson. Praise Him for family time and for time with friends in College Station! I'm going to stay positive and I'm going to keep on pursuing Him the best way I can and know how! I will overcome and I will NOT be mastered by my struggles and shortcomings!

fall

my favorite season. i wish the leaves in texas would morph into sprawling fields or burnt orange and red like they do in the north. i feel for the trees here. they try their hardest to turn but often fail with the absence of warmer winter weather. every now and then you'll run into a tree that has defied the weather patterns of texas and has changed into a majestic red or bright yellow. i like that tree.

this past weekend i traveled to austin for senior day and the last game at dkr for colt and jordan. what a great five years it has been with those guys. it was a great game and pretty emotional for all the students including myself. i got to catch up with some old friends which was good and I didn't get sick either which owned.

so i've found a couple of other jobs that i'm going to apply for. the job at the county courthouse is probably a no. i just wish someone would call me and say "no, we aren't going to give you a job" in which case, i can argue my case. i just wish someone would give me an interview! i know i would kill it. please be praying for opportunities. i'm just gonna keep applying til I die! ahh! it's like rockin the vote.

i'm excited for thanksgiving and time with family. even though i'm constantly around them. i'm pretty sure that i will end up at the texas-texas a&m game which will be awesome because it will be my first texas/a&m game in CS and my first game attending in college station since sophomore year when i saw them lose to nebraska in the last minute. that'll be good times.

i'm getting tired, until next time.

one year coming.

this will probably be one of the more meaningful posts.

it's been one year. one year since this happened. you can read that post and see what happened. but it's been one year since that went down. i've been thinking about this day for a very long time. i was so scared and anxious a year ago from today. i thought i was going to die. that tuesday morning when i went to the emergency room, i had no idea what was going on with me and neither did the doctors at the hospital. they gave me this long list of things that it could've been. eventually, i would figure it out and i got over it but was never the same. at least for the following months.

from november 18th 2008 up until about the middle of april were the hardest months of my life. these days were filled with anxiety, depression, faithlessness, anger and pain. those days were hard. during that time not only did my blood pressure sky rocket but so did my weight. at my peak i was weighing in right around 250. yep, i was huge. because i could careless about anything I was drinking and eating anything I wanted. on top of that i stopped playing volleyball and that didn't help. i'm not going to lie, it was hard and I was hurtin. I turned into a hypochondriac. trust me, this is not laughing matter. as someone who has gone through and suffered through this, it's real and it sucks. keep that in mind when someone tells you they are one.

eventually, i would pull myself out of this slump. it took a lot of strength and soul searching. a trip to my "happy place" (ozark) helped a lot as well. honestly, i felt loads better during my time at ozark. after ozark, i moved back home and that's where i've been for the past couple of months. nothing would be better than some good news on november 18th 2009, exactly one year to the day that everything started. i can say that I don't weigh anywhere near 250 and my blood pressure is either below or at normal. i've been trying to work out everyday to rid myself of the high blood pressure/cholesterol/anxiety. i have to say that i'm glad that today i'm alive and kicking and praising Him for bringing me out of the darkest times of my life. i won't lie to you, i was pretty angry with God for allowing me to go through this but am trying to wrap my mind around what He wanted to teach/show me. While I'm not perfect by any means, I'm trying my hardest to do what I think he wants me to.

So yeah, that's my one-year rant. Please comment and let me know what you think and how you think I've changed in the past year; for better or for worse. texas fight.

galaxies and such

I'm not going to lie, I'm struggling right now. Things for me aren't going great. I have no job, I have no money, I have no friends (in Texas City) and I have no life. I wake up, work out, watch TV, wait til night, sleep and repeat. If I don't get out of this ridiculous cycle soon, I don't know what's going to happen. I may very well go crazy. I mean, it's like I'm not even here according to my parents. I can't believe they haven't asked me to start paying rent.

What should I do? I really need some wisdom, help, direction in my life right now. Father, I pray for direction. Right now. Let me know that I'm not here by mistake but that you put me here in Texas City for some reason. Is it because I have been able to get closer with kids in Houston for Ozone? Is it to get closer to my family which may or may not be happening? I don't care what it is. I pray for some sort of revelation. Currently, I feel like a zombie because I have no purpose. I have no joy, no excitement, no adventure. I mean, when I was in school my purpose was to go to school. Now, I have no purpose. What am I living for? I've been trying my hardest to spend more time in the Word and more time with the Lord but I fall short constantly. How can I end this lukewarmness about my faith? I need to spend this time digging deep into the word and getting to know the Lord so much better during this time. I tell myself that everyday yet I don't do what I need to do and end up doing things that I don't want to do.

Sorry if this is a lot to handle, I need to vent. I need something good to happen soon or I don't know what I'm going to do. I need joy. Just joy.

Early November

So November has started and I'm loving the weather right now in the Greater Houston area. Not really loving my time here but at least the weather has been great. Few things have happened this past couple of days:

-The Texas volleyball team lost their first and hopefully only game of the season to Iowa State. It was in five games but apparently there were way too many mistakes and errors that cost them the game. Granted ISU was #8 in the nation and they were playing at home but that's not a good excuse. Nebraska went in there today and beat them in three games straight. These girls have better gotten that one loss out of their system and hopefully this will humble them and make them know that everything doesn't come easy. They are going to have to fight for it. That lost their #1 overall seed. They will most likely still by the #2 seed but the highest overall seed would've been good for them

-Texas Football is still undefeated and rockin the DRIVE FOR FIVE! I would give anything for us to beat the hell out of a SEC team for our fifth national championship. I need a job so I can start saving for the trip. I want to go even if I have to go by myself. I could definitely get a senior student to get me a ticket. I would have to pay for airfare, the ticket and stuff while I'm there. Chad said we could stay with his family that lives in the OC. Oh well, I might have to wait off for the MacBook to pay for the trip to LA. I want to go to the Big 12 Championship game which will be fun and I'm sure it won't be too bad of a blow out. I'm sure the team will make it interesting in the first half. I just hope we play Kansas State so we can beat the living snot out of them.

-I put three of my secrets in Post Secret books at a bookstore here in Houston. One of those secrets is one of my biggest secrets. When I wrote it I almost started crying because it felt almost freeing to let it go and to get rid of it. It was something that I always wanted to do because I have read about it. I'm an avid PostSecret reader and I was hoping to find a secret hidden in one of the books but it didn't happen. I'm going to go back in a couple of weeks and see if they are still there.

-Still haven't taken my application to Galveston. I shall do this on Monday afternoon. I'm not going to go work out but wake up, shower, and go turn it in. I hope to have a interview before the end of the week.

That's some things that are on my mind. I'm pretty tired. HS Football playoffs start this week!

I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS TOWN. NOW.

tonight was so weird I can't even write about it. All I know is that I need to get out of this town. As soon as I can. I'm going crazy and my family is starting to act weird and crazy. I've had enough. I'm beating myself that I spent so much time here last semester knowing that I was going to live here for however long. Seriously, can you please get me out of this lame town? I need to move back to Austin or something. Quick. Before I go insane.

Thanks and please help me.

i mean, i think

i really, really want to live in Dallas. I mean, I think I want to live in Dallas. I'm pretty sure that this is the place where I want to live. I knew that since this summer I thought this where the place that God wanted me to go and wanted me to do work. That kinda lost some of its luster when I found some things out regarding some crazy camp kids but now I'm starting to regain that want and that feeling that I should be in Dallas. I've lived in Houston (texas city) and Austin for a while; I think that Dallas would be a next great thing for me.

I'm so over Texas City. The people here are just, different. Don't get me wrong, I know some amazing people that were born and raised here along side of me but for the most part, some of the residents here are just missing some bolts upstairs. I told myself that I wanted to raise my family here but after seeing it now, I want my kids to be raised in a town that's respectable and safe. Texas City was semi-cool when I grew up here but now, it's ridiculous. I can understand why a lot of my friend's parents are from Texas City but as you see chose to raise their children in nicer parts of Texas (Memorial, Waco, Austin, Highland Park). With that being said, I'm ready to get out of here. I would even move back to Austin right now if I could.

So I'm finally going to spend some time with God. I won't lie to you, it's been a while. I've been making excuses and finding other things to fill up my time even though I don't do anything. I pray now that God heavily convicts me of it and that he would move in this time that I have with him. Like always, Christians who don't come to Him regularly have so much hurt when they don't; and I have hurt. Please pray for this time and time with him at least once a day.

my younger brother

I want yall to meet my younger brother, Austin. Austin was born on May 13, 1994 in Galveston, Texas. I remember walking into the room and my mom was holding him. I was 7 years old but I can definitely still remember. When Austin was a baby, he was one of the cutest babies I'd ever seen. He was very fair skinned and didn't look Mexican at all. He had some of the biggest cheeks ever and looked just like my older sister and Dad. It's cool because I, along with my parents, have seen this baby grow up into a teenager. Right now, he's 15 years old. Traditionally, we've never gotten along. He always favored my other brother Andrew since he was really young. He liked playing video games and I think that's why he always wanted to play/be with Andrew.

At 15, I don't even know this kid; we are so different from each other. He doesn't care about anything. He does very average-to below average in school, he sleeps at all times of the day, he only wears athletic clothes and he's the most apathetic person I've ever met. What I mean by apathetic is that he doesn't care about anything. Seriously, anything. He has no passion for anything. I've figured out that people who are passionate about things are the people that I want to be around. He doesn't really care about school, football, life, church, anything. I know when I was 15 I was very into sports and school. I knew that the only way I would be able to get out of Texas City is if I did well in school. He plays football but could careless whether or not he starts or plays. I've changed a lot in college and if I was him right now, I'd be doing everything I could to get that starting spot. He has the size, he just doesn't have the killer instinct to go out and get what he wants. I don't even think he knows what he wants.

With all that being said, it has definitely been a struggle to love him well since I've moved back home. Sometimes, I want to beat the crap out of him because of the way he talks to me. But then I feel way convicted and do my best to love him. Here's the thing, I hang out with kids who are the same age and in the same grade and they are awesome. I could hang out with my kids from Ozark all day everyday. Him on the other hand, I can't stand living 6 feet from him. What am I to do? This was something that I prayed about but no where near as much or sincere as I needed to.

I need to be in much deeper prayer about this situation. If you are an avid reader of this blog, please encouragement will definitely be appreciated. My goal this week will be to better love and serve him anyway I can. I'll let you know how it ends up.

Texas Fight - we're #2. For now, at least.

it's coming

in only a couple of days, it will have been a year. a year to remember. to laugh, cry, hurt, rejoice. on november 18th, get ready for what's going to be probably my most important/most interesting post. here, you will truly get an insight to me and how the past year has been the hardest/longest year of my life. everything will come out. just wait.

home life

my parents are officially driving me crazy. i know that I don't have a job but it's not like I'm asking my parents for money. I have my own money where I buy my own things. For some reason, my mom feels the need to assert power over me by always knowing what I'm doing and questioning my decisions. Seriously, I'm not a child anymore. I know I'm living in your house but seriously, ease up. For the past four years I've been virtually independent meaning I could come and go as I pleased and I didn't have to answer to anyone. I would still love for that to happen. I mean, I wonder if any of this will end once I do get a job. For now, I'll take whatever they want to throw at me because I don't have a job. Once I do get a job, things will change. I don't know how I will respond if they keep up acting the way they do. If I'm paying for everything then I should be able to come and go as they please. Oh well, that's my rant.

In other news, I have found a job that looks interesting at the City of Galveston working in the City Secretary's office. Pretty much I would be doing lame office work but it pays way more than the job in the Galveston County Court House. I'm going to work on the application and my resume tomorrow and hopefully on Wednesday go turn it in at the Work Source in Galveston and treat myself to some good galveston food, the spot maybe? Oh well, pray that it works out for me. I really need a job and I really need money so I can buy a new MacBook, haha. I know it'll work out. I need to start saving! It's weird, how much money do you think I could save from now until May of 2011 if I started working for Camp Ozark. As long as I was not paying rent from now until then, things would be pretty good. The only things I would have to start paying for is my car, my loans and my cell phone. I'm sure I will make some ridiculous purchases if I have the money but nothing too crazy. I don't need anything expensive other than a new computer and a digital camera. Keep that in your prayers because I need a job. Fast. It would be cool if I did start to do Ozone that my parents would pay for half of my car until I would be stable enough to support myself.

I did get to hang out with my cousin from San Antonio who came down for the weekend. And the 'Horns won. I'm selling my Owl City ticket for this weekend because I have to watch that game. I'm not going to be like last year when I watched it with a bunch of randoms in Mississippi. If we win and I have a job, I will try my hardest to make it to the Big 12 Championship game and eventually the National Championship game. Texas Fight and I will bleed burnt orange for the rest of my life. That's all.

ou weekend 2009

so this past weekend I traveled to Dallas for TEXAS/ou 2009! I left Houston on Thursday after I talked with Angela about Ozone and that went really well. As soon as I got into Dallas, I almost immediately went to middle school Ozone with Drew and Charlotte and it was awesome! Those kids were crazy. Afterwards, Drew, Kata and I went to Chili's and ran into some old friends so that was fun. Friday, I woke up and went for a run around HP and then met up with Drew, Charlotte and the gang at Panda Express to have lunch with the seniors at HPHS. Afterwards, I met up with some friends at Northpark and saw "Where the Wild Things Are." I thought it was a great, cute movie. There were a lot of scenes that made me wish I was nine again and that I had a better imagination like Max in the movie. Then, I went and picked up Bradfield and we hung out. He is one of my campers that I got pretty close with. We picked up my clothes from the cleaners and just drove around. He then took me around HP and gave me a tour of the city. We then met up with some other kids who I didn't know and just messed around. We picked up tanner and some of his friends (other camper) and went to guitar center and hung around there. I wanted to go hang out with Bryan Newman so I went back to Drew's to change and met Bryan at this tailgate that overlooked the HP stadium where they were playing. We hung around there and then met up with his parents at the game and stayed for a while. It was a lot of fun being at a HS football game where the team was pretty good (HP is ranked #7 in state). Afterwards, we went to Durant's to rally the troops to go out. We ended going to Snuffer's on lower Greenville and it was okay. We just sat and ate chips and queso.

Saturday morning I woke up really early and got ready. I jumped on the DART by myself because Drew left me. I spent two hours on the DART. Definitely the worst time of the weekend. I got to the game after it started. I walked into the fair for FREE. I also got into the game for $40. I actually could have gotten in with $20 but I was scared. I know the attendance for the game was around 96,000 but it was definitely more than that because there were tons of people who were getting in like that. The game was awful and I felt like I was at a SEC game. Oh well, we won. I guess that's all that matters. We should've won by two touchdowns though.

I hadn't drank or eaten anything at all that day so I started to feel like crap cause when I got to Durant's house I ate a bunch and drank two cokes in the span of 15 minutes. I felt like crap. The head started throbbing and I couldn't even sleep because it hurt so bad. I took some Advil and started feeling better. Went to retrieve Artie from the parking lot and met Janice at Roxanne's house and we decided that we wanted a casual drink so we went to this place called Milo's with a ton of SMU students. We then met up with Charles and his crew and went to Uptown which was a huge bust because there was a million people there. I'm sure on regular weekends it can be a lot of fun but there were just way to many people there.

Sunday I went to church with the gang and we had lunch and then went to play at the park with cub! It was a lot of fun. After this, I just went home. I'm actually proud of myself for going home kinda early. I usually would've found some excuse to either stay longer or another day. The drive back to Houston was long but I got to see Kailynn. It was also cold when I got out of the car in TC but that ship sailed.

So that was my Texas/OU weekend 2009. Now, I need a job. The child support isn't coming in and my funds are starting to dwindle. Granted, I spent a lot of money in Dallas and on gas but yeah. I need to not spend that much money although I'm about to go get a milkshake because I seriously sprained my neck tonight working out and it hurts really bad. I know, I know it's a milkshake but I think it will make me feel a little better when I have a milkshake, a hot apple pie and I'm watching Glee. Also, if you read my blog regularly and I don't know that you do, leave me a comment and let me know who you are. I have a sitemeter so I know that someone in Spring keeps reading it and people in Austin. I just want to know who reads it.

ps, find me a job that plays a lot where I don't have to do much and is fun. thanks.

a good day

it's about 7:15 in the morning as the arkansas sky creeps through the cracks of the dark, warm cabin. you're awaken to birds chirping, trees swaying from the soft, serene wind. out your window you see a big sky and an opportunity. suddenly, music starts to play from the loudspeakers and you have ten kids start to stir for the morning. you and your co-counselor start to wake up your kids to prepare for the morning show and breakfast. you're usually met with the task of getting ten fifteen year old boys up and ready in only ten minutes. you see the usual cast of characters at the morning show. dave with his announcements and opportunities, patrick with sports and inspiration. you might even received a lesson in safety from none other than safety louise. depending on the day, breakfast can either be hit-or-miss. regardless, a healthy breakfast will go a long way for what's next.

all of a sudden, tribal music is streamed over the speakers and the children start to get excited and anxious for the morning competition. we all descend in the field house for the morning fire up. then, like two warriors running to battle, over 800 kids run to their respective fields of play. some of these kids leave their hearts and souls on the fields. they run, pass, throw, score, kick and swim. close games are common. overtimes usually happen. so much drama and it's only 9:15 in the morning. some games end with tears others end with broken wrists. regardless, we all come together at the end to evaluate the day and to pray.

perhaps one of the more chill times of the day are when the kids have their period where they participate in three different activities throughout camp. many of the babies struggle to get to their periods equipped with a large piece of duct tape on their dirty t-shirt. the older kids struggle with attendance and just like in high school, skip to participate in "cooler" events.

lunch follows this and the respective chow halls are rockin' with the sounds of booty shakin' and back achin'. just like breakfast, lunch can also be very hit-or-miss. after lunch, kids eagerly wait in line for the day's mail, each kid wary of what the other kid got from their parents. emails, letters, packages with silly putty, crazy hats and usually illegal items like candy are what filled the small post office each and everyday. then, a mad dash occurs to see who gets to read the d-tails first. we all return to the cabin and rest period begins. some kids are more enthusiastic about this time than others. the age depends on how much rest you actually receive.

what might be the most ridiculous part of the day occurs immediately following rest period. all of a sudden, a sound not registered on the regular scale of sound is heard from above. it's almost as if we are being attacked by another country and the warning sirens are going off. fortunately, we aren't being attacked and its just a lady who although small is stature packs a powerful punch of sound. it's a mad dash to the ropes course and/or the water front. children run as if they were being chased by a large monster with big teeth and poison shooting from it's eyes. this is camp and it's happening fast. you look out of the tall trees and canopies of the ropes course onto the waterfront where five massive creations filled with air are being jumped onto and off of into the chilly waterfront. some children do the same thing each and everyday for two hours straight and for 12 days straight. finally, the familiar music is played sounded the end of what we call mish mash.

after dinner which is similar to lunch and breakfast, certain age groups meet in a location to jump, scream, sing and dance. rocky top, all star and taylor swift will always be welcomed with shoes off and high jumps. we try our hardest to get the kids to calm down after such a high adrenaline day to sit and listen to the Word being spoken by one of the highly respected members of the permanent staff.

then, a party breaks out. dancing, games, snacks and red powerade are what fills this next part of camp. think of it as the biggest and most fun fraternity party you've ever been to without the obvious stuff that wouldn't be allowed at a christian summer camp. 800 of your closest friends are there and you have a blast. you can bash cars, dance til you drop, make foam pit angels or even ride thunder, a mean but large bull. nonetheless, we all come together at the end of the event to show off our dancing and singing skills.

as we head back to the cabins, the kids quickly call for order of the showers. children must be showered and ready to go for the most important time of the day. this is their time, this is God's time. some can last for 30 minutes. some might last for three hours. there might be tears but definitely laughter and joy. stories to be told and lessons to be learned. this is the most important time at camp. this is why the kids are here.

after this, you prepare the kids for bed and usually have to fight off temptations to go raid that one cabin where your camp crush is. after about an hour of last minute conversations and attempts to use the bathroom just one more time, all of your kids fall vast asleep with tomorrow on their minds. you have time to just sit there and look out the window at that southern sky with the stars flickering and shining so bright. suddenly you get this feeling in your stomach that everything is right and that everything is well. this is what i love. this is why i keep coming back every year. this is my passion. this is CAMP OZARK.

foaming at the mouth

ok so I don't know how many of you know about one of my passions in life. ever since i can remember I've always been obsessed with playing volleyball. when I was in high school, I never played much but I would mess around in practice with the varsity team some. one time, i went up for a kill and landed on my ankle and was in extreme pain the next couple of weeks. i may have broken it. well, when I got to Texas I lived in Jester which was right next to the Greg. I don't remember the first time but I know I strolled into the greg probably planning on working out when I saw people playing volleyball for fun. I jumped in and that pretty much started it. I went to the greg as much as I could to "work out" but really I wanted to play volleyball. sometimes there would be really good games and sometimes there would be horrible playing. nevertheless, i played. a lot.

over the months I started getting better and better. it was really exciting. my sophomore year i enrolled in the volleyball class which helped me get way better. i decided to try out for the club team sophomore year and surprisingly, didn't make it. granted, i had not really played organized volleyball and didn't know rotations or different sets. i just knew to set it high and out for a 4. a bunch of randoms made the team that year and they ended up having a ton of drama. well the next semester i enrolled in the vball class again and by that time I was pretty good.

junior year, i was going back and forth between cowboys and volleyball. i didn't even know if I could make one much less both. the final tryout for vball was the day before the meet and greet for cowboys. at the tryout they started handing out green sheets for people to fill out and i was one of the last people to get one. i made it. i was so excited. i was a texas athlete. texas fight. that first semester was awesome. we had a really good team and a great coach. that was probably the most fun semester of college just because of volleyball. i looked forward to every tuesday/thursday. i would be playing a lot of volleyball that semester. with 6 hours of practice a week and 3 hours of volleyball class. it was so much fun. we even got to go to michigan for a tournament in which we did really good for being the only team from the south. we beat the host michigan state, ohio state, earlham college and i think that was it. we almost be purdue and this wesleyan college but came up short. we lost to iowa in the playoff in three games. so lame. that next semester we had all the drama and our team disbanded. we were given the option of staying but i didn't. that decision would probably come to bite me in the butt. i'll explain later.

that next year i was going to be the starting setter/captain of the second team but due to my stubbornness and ridiculousness, lost the title of captain and was flirting with losing my starting spot. let's be honest, the kid behind me was not good. he was not as good as i was and the coach knew that. while skill may be, well to me, 75% of the position the other 25% is all of the other stuff (attitude, commitment, blah blah). that kid received all 25 points of that. i was almost apathetic because our team sucked but over the weeks we started improving a lot. in november i got sick and couldn't play for a while. coming back to school in january i was so excited for the season. seriously, it was the only thing i could think about. i wanted to come back with a vengeance. after having such a bad christmas break, volleyball was going to be the thing that brought me out of this slump. and then i didn't make the team and i was crushed and confused. i thought i was better? didn't you tell me that i was the best player on the team? wow. it was pretty much downhill after that. i didn't even know what to think i was so shocked. not making the team was something that i didn't think was an option. the kid who was my second string got it over me. it was later when i found out the ENTIRE TEAM was in shock when they saw that he got it over me and they apparently wanted me instead. if anything, that is the only thing i needed. as long as my TEAM and not my COACH wanted me there, i was fine. honestly, i hold no grudge against him. he said that he did what was best for the team. i think a simple talking to would have sufficed. i explained how i felt about the team and he still say no. i was afraid that their new started would get hurt and he would be stuck with the other kid setting. who knew that this would be what would happen. at nationals. hmm. but seriously, i hold no grudge against the coach. he's a great coach but i definitely disagree with that decision that he made. even if he would've known what wouldve happen i don't know if he would've picked me.

concerning the decision i made, i didn't know who all was going to be on the team spring semester of junior year. at the time, i was second string of the second team and the first team's starter quit and they pulled up the starter from the second team and he ended up being their starting setter for that semester. of course, they didn't announce this to anyone. i could've still had practiced with the team and could've played every know and then which was exactly what i was doing on the second team. more importantly, if i would've stayed i would have most definitely volunteered to be president of the club after omar and pat left. i'm pretty responsible and could've done a good job at it so that would've have assured me a spot on the team for the next year. i could've convinced them that having one president be on the second team would be better for the club since the decisions being made just benefited the first team and not the second. if that would've happened, none of the stuff i just typed would've happened. i would've played that last semester and things would've have been great.

what sparked this post was the fact that a good friend is currently on the second team. i looked at his pictures of the team and its filled with freshman and sophomores. if i was on that team, i would be the starting setter and the captain, most likely. it almost makes me want to go back to school just so i can play volleyball, like a real athlete. just take random classes and play volleyball at the same time. i haven't played legit volleyball since i went to austin the beginning of september and went to open gym. so much fun. oh well. maybe sometime down the line i will get the opportunity to go back for grad school in which case i will definitely play then. hmmm

acl and sinus infections

so this past weekend I ventured to Austin for ACL and the arrival of some camp friends from Virginia and Mississippi. I left TC from dinner at Bravos with the rents and made it to Austin around 11. Went straight to Natalie's and hung out for a while over there. After that, I went to whataburger and met up with Travis and Barrett. Finally made the trip to Cotton's apartment. He, being the great friend that he is, popped my ridiculous boil on my back (sorry yall, just breathe and continue). It was pretty crazy and it hurt a lot. Woke up on Friday and had a man date with Barrett. We went to Abel's for lunch, Mt. Bonnell for the great views and just drove around. We met up with a bunch of girls at SnoBeach for snocones and that was awesome. Charles' 22nd birthday dinner was that night and we went to Matt's to celebrate and then downtown afterwards. Janice and I ended up at KE which was really random. Oh well

Saturday was extremely uneventful. Cotton, Brad and I stayed at the apt virtually all day watching football and cooking fajitas. Around dinner time, Anne Marie convinced us to come over because she was cooking homemade tomato soup and grilled cheese. The soup needed some work but the grilled cheese was really good! Later, I went to the football dance party with all the MS girls and Nat, Paige and Robin. It was a lot of sweaty fun. I randomly ventured over to Tyler's house and that's where I ended up staying for the night! Tyler, Bailey and I watched Holes together which was extremely random but awesome? I guess.

Sunday started with a bang! as I found an ACL ticket not only for myself but for Cotton as well. We didn't make it over to ACL until 3ish. We went straight to the XBOX stage for White Lies. Passion Pit was slated to play after White Lies so we wanted to get good spots. I met up with Lauren and some of her hipster friends and we stayed their all day. Passion Pit was, meh...okay. The CD is so much better. After passion pit was GIRL TALK. Without a doubt, the most fun I've ever had a show. I was even front row! Meaning I was on the barricade and even in the ACL website. Suck on that!

It was so much fun! I could've made it on stage but opted out because I wasn't sure if I could get over that barricade without breaking my phone or myself. After that, I found Cotton with ease considering I just stood there because I was so tired. We talked with Carter and Steven for a bit and then walked back to the apt. I wanted to shower at least seven times but had to settle with just 2. We went to whataburger and just hung out at Natalie's house for a while. I was dead tired.

Woke up at Cotton's and I knew I was going to be sick. I could feel it in my throat. That day, I was going to take the MS girls to SoCo and out to lunch. We went to Chuy's even though it was hard for me not to go to Shady Grove. We went to SoCo and just walked up and down and that was a lot of fun. I started getting really tired and I could feel the sickness coming. That night was hell. Of course I couldn't sleep and of course I would wake up at random hours of the night covered in sweat. I knew these next few days were going to be rough.

Luckily, today was a lot better than Tuesday and Wednesday. On the other hand, it had been almost a week since I worked out and I have not been eating good these past few days. When I get sick, all rules are thrown out of the window and I do things that make me feel better instantly and that includes eating and drinking lots of Dr. Pepper. And that is probably the reason why I've had two palps in the last three days. Today, I ran a mile and walked another to work out a bit. I want to wake up tomorrow around 9:30 to have a solid workout and start the day off right because I'm having lunch with a friend from HS at 12:45 at Gringo's. It'll be good for me; I haven't really hung out with anyone from high school in a long time. I don't know what I'm doing after that. It's TCHS homecoming and they lost to Santa Fe last week so I will definitely not being going to that game. I might try and make my way up to H town so see what everyone is doing. Oh well. It's 3:30 so I need to try and fall asleep to Twilight. Will someone please just buy me this movie so I don't have to rent it over and over again? K Thanks.

texas city high school

so today I finally received the transcript that I order from Texas so I can apply to be a substitute at the local high school. It seems like a lot of fun and I would get paid almost $80 a day. It was today that I started to reminisce on my time as a TCHS student.

i remember the first day of freshman year. i wore this orange billabong shirt that i also wore on the last day of school (i was kinda weird about that stuff. i think i did that 7th-9th grade). i didn't really know what to expect finally being at high school. i had an older sister who was a senior and an older brother who was a sophomore so i guess you could say i knew a lot of people. i knew that i wanted to play basketball so i got into the class. big mistake. i was almost immediately moved to PE and i did that for an entire year. lame. all of my other friends were in tennis 7th period. it was because i wanted to play basketball that I got stuck their. even when i was on the team i still was in PE. it wasn't that bad although there was this one time where this white kid tried to tell everyone that i had stolen profit's gold chain from the locker room when it was in fact him. i had a weird run in with that gang at the powderpuff game that year. but yeah, freshman year was alright

sophomore year i didn't make the same mistake again. my basketball career was over so i just stuck with tennis. i was the #2 player on the tennis team because i had beaten bryan h and i didn't play him again until after the team tennis season was over. that was the year that robert and i had to play two of the best tennis players to ever come out of friendswood. it was awesome. they demolished us. it was sophomore year when i went to my first party at chad k's. it was really awkward because there was some sort of rave going on inside and i don't even remember who i went with. i think it was rob. but nonetheless, it was lame. oh yeah, this was the year that i got confirmed in the catholic church. big woop.

junior year was extremely awkward. this is the year that i remember least from. maybe it was because that was when i started working. i started working at gringo's and for the most part it was fun but then some people started acting really weird towards me. i think i started going out more than i had the years before and that was fun i guess. that new years was a really fun one at travis' house. that was when that one guy got stabbed. drama. one of the ups of that year was that I got hired to be a lifeguard at the tc pools that summer. i really wanted to be a lifeguard because my sister was one and they always had the most fun and had the best parties during the summer. i was on junior guard for graduation which is the best/most popular ten junior boys and girls chosen by the school. that summer was a lot of fun. being a lifeguard was a lot of fun. it was at the end of junior school year that i started going around the crossroads crew which would pretty much set up my next couple of years

senior year started with a bang. i remember the night before school started, madison drew, kim and i went around and tagged all the seniors' cars. i had a new group of friends and a new church. i started attending grace and started hanging out with those guys and stopped my crazy ways. i somehow got a lot of positions in school. i was senior class treasure, honor choir president, NHS sgt. at arms. i was taking a full course load and also honors government. this was when i started hanging out with cotton and austin and drew and george and shawn and the kauffmans. i also went on a mission trip to mexico that christmas which was awesome! oh yeah, i got into Texas that december and A&M shortly after that. i didn't work during senior year because i convinced my parents that i was too busy with school and tennis and everything else. nonetheless, i got a lot closer with these dudes which was awesome. i see now that God was setting those relationships up. i was confused on which school i should go to for a bit because I had received a good scholarship from a&m that i wasn't even expecting. i also went skiing for the first time slash traveled on a plane for the first time. i went to boston as well and had so much fun! that easter was when someone keyed my truck. i graduated and it was a lot of fun. i also got extremely sick that summer. til this day, i still don't know what it was or what made me get sick. i was having some crazy stomach pains. it was intense. my appetite went away and it was horrible for a week. i was a lifeguard that summer as well and it was interesting. i started hanging out with another group of people on top of hanging out with cotton and them. then, on august 27th? i moved into my dorm to start college :)

so, that's just a quick recap of high school. it was alright. i think hs would have been a lot better if i had played a legit sport and was good at it. i know a lot of people in my high school had their theories and thoughts about me but none of them really knew who i was. while they were stuck here in texas city, i got to go to the best university in the world and have the time of my life. i made plenty of friends at UT, friends that I will keep for the rest of my life. high school isn't the best time of your life; college is. i firmly believe that. so that's why I don't even bother with them or their lame beliefs. trust me, i never for once thought about them when i was in Austin but i can guarantee you they were thinking about how much fun i was having. sorry if that sounds rude but some of these kids made parts of my high school career hell. i mean, i don't want to point and laugh at them I think that's one of the only things that is keeping my time here in texas city so bearable. it's because i know this isn't my life and that there are better places out there and that i will not be living here for long. and you can count on that.

early morning rain

so this weekend was the Ozone Fall Retreat! it was so much more fun than I thought it was going to be. I mean, I knew that it was going to be a lot of fun but it was way more fun than that. I got to meet a lot of kids whom I already knew of but didn't know personally. Specifically, a lot of Memorial freshman. A lot of these kids were Matt's kids during 3rd session so it was good to finally get to meet them and hang out with them. They were a handful but I enjoyed every second of it. I had the task of sleeping in the freshman room in the cabin with the sophomores sleeping in the other with Patrick. It was a lot of fun to say the least.

Additionally, Elise and I were in charge of a dance crew called So Real Cru. It consisted of kids from Memorial and West U. That was a lot of fun as well. I got to meet some West U seniors, and some Mem High seniors and juniors who are so cool and probably too cool to hang out with me but whatever. I need to meet all the memorial kids I can. teehee.

But yeah, the weekend was awesome and I think a lot of foundation was laid between some of these kids and myself. I WILL be attending Ozone tomorrow! I don't know which one yet but I will for sure be at one of them. I think I'll go to west u tomorrow since Tommy asked me to go and I don't know if I will be at his game on Thursday and I don't know if I'll be able to go the STH/EHS game on friday so i guess I'll just go there. I'm so excited!

prayer:
-please continue praying for my relationships with kids in both memorial and west university

-please be praying for ozone. i want to do this. my passion is these kids.

-please be praying for a job right now. i hope my transcript comes in this week. i need to go get my TB test done tomorrow so I can turn everything in when my transcript comes for substituting!

-pray that i continue to eat healthy and work out so i can lose weight. and pray that whatever is going on with my eyes just stops. Lord, you can do it and I pray that it happens. I WILL STAY FAITHFUL. I WILL OVERCOME

love.

boo

Owl City is completely sold out in Austin. DANGIT! I should've bought my ticket a long time ago! Fortunately, they are not sold out in Houston so I think I might just have to see him in Houston by myself. Sad day.

In other news, my face has been twitching for the past day and a half. It's most likely nerves but I don't know what's making me anxious. Oh the joys of anxiety. I'm also getting some other anxiety symptoms so I don't know what's going on. I bought some bananas to help me cope so hopefully they work out.

Ozone retreat this weekend. I'm so excited to see some of my kids from camp. Specifically Ben Griffin. I haven't seen this kid since third session and it will be good to see him. Most of my other boys I've seen already excluding the Dallas/Louisiana kids. It'll be so much fun. Maybe Quentin and I will have a much-needed reconciliation. Things are so weird between us and it would be great it they weren't but I think he needs to know how I feel.

I checked my blood pressure the other day and it was 113/83. SUCK ON THAT SUCKA. Cheyeah! All the working out is finally paying off! Texas Fight! I win! Let's hope and pray that it continues to get low, get low, get low. I can do it!

An hour later, I finally come back and try to finalize. Please be praying for this weekend and time with kids. Specifically, be praying for one-on-one time with kids. I hope to spit some game this weekend. When I say game I mean Gospel slash Jesus. I know that it's going to happen. Pray that I would continue to dig into the word every single day and that I would not tire of doing this. Pray that I would watch what I eat and work out with more quality. And please pray that the substituting works out and I can hopefully start subbing soon!

I'll be back on Sunday night to let you know how the retreat went!

6 to 10 to 5 to 0

that's how many roommates i've gone through the past three years. as you can see i've lived with at least five other dudes who were the same age, had the same interests, had the same problems, same joys and so on for the past three years. now, i live with my parents which include my mom, dad, grandmother and younger brother. i'm not going to lie, it sucks. sometimes i feel like i'm going crazy here. i know that I only have 25 more weeks until I get back to ozark (yep, i'm counting). after that, i will either start my life in houston, dallas or austin. i will no longer be in texas city. i can't describe to you how weird and frustrating it is to live here sometimes. i don't have anyone to talk to. honestly, it wouldn't be as hard if i just had one actual friend that i could hang out with daily. i have no problem hanging out with the same people over and over. so far, the people that i want to hang out with here in texas city have let me down tremendously and i wanna give up.

if you don't know me, i'm an extremely intentional person. if there is one thing in college that i've learned it's how to be intentional. i have no problem getting plans together to hang out with people but the past couple of times people have let me down. my uncle who's only two years older than me called me last wednesday and asked me if i wanted to go see a movie on friday which i replied yes. i was excited about getting to hang out with him and his wife and see this movie. well, on friday, i texted him and asked him what time he wanted to go see if and he said that he had to ask his wife and then he said that they didn't have a babysitter so no. i got kinda frustrated because how are you going to invite me to do something and then renege and not go? my lame-beat dad used to do that crap to me ALL THE TIME. i don't have time for it. i told him exactly how i felt. honestly, he kinda lost some of my trust because of that. for too long i let my real father do that stuff for me without stand up for myself (as a young child i shouldn't have to) but not anymore. i'm not going to sit here and let anyone do that to me. i'm too old for that. that's not me being stubborn, that's me protecting myself because no one else is going to.

my cousin who is seven days older than me and a recent college graduate does the exact same thing. i seriously text and call him all the time to hang out and the majority of the time he doesn't respond or call back. now i know that he doesn't have that many friends where he can't even respond/call back. the only time we hang out is when he calls me. granted he does have a daughter and a job but i wanna hang out. i should just give up because its going to be like this all the time. the funny thing was the moment i got into austin he texted me like three times asking what i was doing. weird. oh well.

the last person is my sister. i went over for her birthday and she told me to come over whenever and that she wanted me to start coming over more and everytime i've tried to come over there has been some excuse or she doesn't call/text me back until later and it never works out. this isn't coincidence, if she really wanted me to come over then should would call me and say come over. i just don't want to get suckered into someone's lies. i'm too old for that. i'm not going to let myself fall for that because that is how i got like i am in the first place so now it's up to me to make sure that i don't make the same mistake again. that's kinda why i don't wanna go to austin if i'm going feel all depressed and anxious. it's not worth it. i'm trying to live and live well, not die early because i was so freaked out.

be pray that while i might not have any actual friends here in texas city that i would run towards jesus and that jesus would be my friend each and everyday and that he can be a friend like that (john 15:13 (camp ozark 2009))! He is the only one i need, the only one that i need to answer to and the only one that i need to please. Father you are good and I pray that this happens.

victorious sight

so it was when i got towed over the weekend in austin did i have an epiphany. well, the epiphany actually came after i retrieved artie from the tow yard in shady east east austin. it was 1:15 AM and i had been talking to madison about things in my life and my relationship with Christ. after we had got my car back she told me that i had a lot of things to think about and she thought it would be a good idea if i just drove home. being someone who enjoys a good road trip, i took her advice and did it. i left austin at 1:15 in the morning and got home a little after 4. while on my road trip i had some great conversation with the Lord. for a solid hour i was praying. i've never done this before. it was great. i poured my heart out to Him and started at the beginning, where the pain and suffering first started happening.

it was during this time with the Lord that I realize that i had been living my life all wrong the past couple of weeks. i was easy to fulfill my needs and desires with things of this world and not of Him. i wanted to feel better quick. i filled my void with things that were not permanent. is this finally the time where i take a stand and say that You're better than that? I hope so. I'm tired of being depressed. I'm tired of being anxious. I'm tired of being afraid. I want to be joyful and filled with life and your spirit. I want to laugh again.

my prayer: Father, you are so much bigger than my depression, my anxiety and my sickness. please, i beg you to show your power and take these away from me. i come to you now and beg for your forgiveness for how i have been acting. please reveal yourself to me; i want to see You. each and every day, allow me to pursue you without a crutch to fall back on. allow me to mature in my faith. love you.

well, my weekend in austin was a lot of fun. i let my emotions get the best of me for a while there. i had a lot of fun hanging out with a lot of different people. i definitely realized that i ran in so many circle in college which was very exhausting. it wasn't until after college did i realize that i had a lot of friends in a lot of different places. i got to play some competitive volleyball which was something i hadn't done in months. it was so exciting. so exciting that my heart got to racing because i was having so much fun. texas city is still the same. a week from friday i leave to go on the ozone fall retreat! eeeee! i'm so excited! i can't hardly wait. we are going to rock out with some high schoolers!

prayers:
-please be praying that i stay focused on my pursuit towards the Lord and that i won't let petty worldly things get in my way
-my work with ozone and that my volunteer work doesn't go unnoticed. i want to work for ozone and will hold out for that
-my relationship with my family here in texas city. pray that i can be a light for them
-that i will continue to try and improve my health by working out and eating better. i had fastfood tonight and shouldn't have. oh well.
-OZONE FALL RETREAT!

dearly loved

have any of you ever heard this song from jimmy needham? it's one of my current favorites even though it came out three years ago. the lyrics are great.

things these past few weeks have been okay. i went to the doctor about my high blood pressure and it turns out that i have elevated cholesterol. i have a prescription for medicine but haven't turned it in yet so i should probably do that. i'm afraid that there is going to be some crazy side effect and i'm going to be screwed. after i return from austin i will definitely start taking it. i should probably turn in the medicine tomorrow when i leave and then start taking it on sunday night. i've been working out everyday and that's been good. today, i actually woke up at 9:30 which is huge! i went to sleep pretty early last night (around 1) and woke up at 9:30 on the dot which is awesome! i like being able to wake up early. i had to force myself to get up.

i have been slacking on my relationship with jesus. i was having lunch with a friend and he was talking about how his faith was always combined with him being in some sort of christian leadership role. well, now i'm not really in a christian leadership role and can't just depend on myself getting by. he said that he wants to know how to just follow jesus and live life. well, currently i'm living life but not following jesus. don't tell me that my faith is so elementary that i need a leadership position to keep me in check. seriously, i don't do anything so following jesus should be easy! maybe if i started talking to him on a daily basis he would help with all my health issues and give me wisdom concerning them. please please be praying and please give me accountability that i would wake up everyday yearning to learn more about him. i need help yall. i'm in texas city and i don't see jesus moving here. i haven't found a church to start attending which is going to be tough. i'm going to try the fellowship soon but we'll see.

i'm pretty hungry so i'm gonna go try and find something to eat. peace out!

two months later

yep, it's been two full months since i've blogged. a lot has happened since then. the last time i wrote i was talking about a lot of the different things that were troubling my life at that moment. i'll try and update the rest of that here in this post.

shortly after my last post I, along with ali, cotton and nick brandt, took a trip to omaha for the college world series. our trip was cut way short when some stuff went down. i won't say what happened but just know that it was painful, embarrassing and disappointing. luckily God has used this situation to change someone's life for the better so i guess you could say that we're all glad that it happened. two days after i got back from omaha i was due to leave for camp. packing was frustrating and i figured i had forgotten something. i spent the night with odem and hipp in their apartment in dallas playing settlers of catan. the next day bailey drenner, ali and i were caravaning to camp. along the way, we stopped at a walmart and i randomly got my blood pressure checked. it was ridiculously high. needless to say i started freaking out. i called my mom in fear and explained to her the situation. i knew i needed to talk to april (camp nurse) when I got to camp about this.

camp started! third session i was put on the hill with 12 and mostly 13 year olds. they were mostly from louisiana and houston with the occasional dallas and waco thrown in there. these kids made me laugh. my co-counselor wasn't the best i ever had but he was okay, i guess. he was more concerned with tennessee younglife and sec football. whatever. this one kid from baton rouge or "jigga city," as he would refer to it, was one of the funniest kids to watch. on the last day of camp he flowed for me and it was awesome. i definitely want to get to baton rouge to try and hang out with them. they were awesome.

fourth session: without a doubt my favorite session. so much fun. so the session started with cabin assignments. i was paired up with michael johnson from texas. pretty much everyone was jealous of how awesome our cabin was going to be. and to my surprise, it was. we were the second oldest cabin (s-18) or s-frateen as it would be referred to as. we had so much fun in our cabin. we would be up until 2:30 in the morning dancing and laughing and hanging out with each other. we even let them raid/rave s-4. it was awesome. i was very sad to see these kids leave. needless to say, closing day 4th session was very sad. michael and i's babies were leaving. i still keep up with these kids more than any other cabin. i'm supposed to hang out with one of them tomorrow and another one wants me to go to this lil wayne concert but i don't know.

fifth session: eeeeek. this day started off horrible as i was pushed out of the summit, not allowed on the hill and forced to camp out in cabin 52. i was sad because everyone else was in the summit and i really wanted to be there. at least my co-counselor was awesome. i got to know him pretty well. heck, our kids weren't that bad. they were sort of soft but not that bad. my tribal competition team was amazing! they dominated every game by a ton. it was awesome coaching them. they were extremely coachable.

sixth session: paired up with jason cockerham and it was cool. our kids were rough, not bad but they had been through some rough stuff in their life. i can't even talk about it on here cause how bad it was. i hope that these kids enjoyed themselves and hopefully we taught them a thing or two about the Lord, personal hygiene and how to have fun!

that brings me to today! i just got home this past sunday and its friday night. i'm living in texas city now. i'll be living here in texas city for the next nine months. God has put ozone on my heart and its something that i want to start pursuing. i want to do ozone full-time in either memorial or dallas. for this to happen i'm going to need to start praying more and more everyday for God to give me discernment and wisdom on how i need to live my life for him and these kids. i willing and ready to sacrifice things in my life to be able to work for ozone. i want to do it. if ozone doesn't work out, i will still plan on going back to camp for the entire summer next summer most likely as top staff but would love to be a counselor 4th session so i could be with my kids again. but yeah, i know that i would need to change some things in my life before i started being an ozone leader. i need to talk to angela about this cause i haven't and if i want to get hired it's her that i need to talk with. please be PRAYING that my time here in texas city would be spent seeking the Lord, daily. so far i have been doing a horrible job at that so please pray for me and encourage me to do that more and more. i'm going to need it. if for some reason ozone doesn't work out, i want to move back to austin and try and start my life there. hopefully by then i would have saved enough money to live there for a couple of months without having a job. even if it's just a part-time job, that's where i want to be if i don't do ozone. all of my friends are there, matt will be there as will texas football. i'm really excited and i hope that ozone works out because i would love to be there with those boys. some of my favorite campers come from memorial so it would be awesome to get a chance to hang out with those kids every single day and get paid for it.

in conclusion i really want to start blogging at least twice a week while i'm down here in texas city just so i can keep up with my friends in austin and they can know how i'm doing down here. it's 1:06 in the morning and i'm getting pretty tired. i'll probably fall asleep watching summer heights high again. thanks and love.

short post

so i've been lazy and haven't blogged in a while. i don't know what's wrong with me but I can't just sit still long enough to write a full post. this time before I went to camp I fully intended on writing all these posts about college and stuff but haven't been able to get around to it. one thing I wanted to do is for those who read this is a list of personal prayer requests. a lot's going on in my life right now so i would be very much appreciative if you would pray for me regarding these things:

-my health: i'm not going to lie to you. i weigh a ridiculous 245 lbs. right now. this is the most i've ever weighed in my life. my health is crap. i'm flirting with high blood pressure and arrhythmias in the heart. i know that when i lose a good amount of weight, i will feel so much healthier and better. the hardest thing for me to do now is eat right. there aren't many opportunities here in texas city to eat healthy. not like austin. by halloween, i would like to weigh 190 lbs. that's 55 pounds. i can do it. i know i can. i'm about to go to camp for almost two months and i know i'll definitely lose some weight while i'm there. it would be so much easier if i didn't eat like a cow when i was there. NO SECONDS! i know its going to be tough but i gotta do it for myself. i don't want to have a heart attack and i definitely don't want diabetes. boo that. i got to get healthy! no more drinking, no more fast food! and especially NO MORE DR. PEPPER. i've actually been doing pretty good in that department. i've been drinking a lot of water lately. but anyway, please pray for me with that. it would be very much appreciated

-my walk with the Lord: i'm starting to lose it again. not my salvation (teehee) but my i'm starting to get complacent here in TC which is not a good thing. i need to find a good church to attend if i'm going to be living here for good. i need to dig deep into the word. i need to be spiritually ready for these kids when i get back to camp. i need to be chasing after the Lord like crazy. i'm afraid i'm going to get back to camp and not know what to do (i mean that won't happen, but you know what i mean) so yes. i want to be ON FIRE for the Lord! not just warm or lukewarm or hot or cold but ON FIRE.

-camp ozark '09: i can already say right now, if you knew me at camp last summer you are going to think i'm a totally completely person this summer. i'm still going to be crazy and awesome and ridiculous and semi-ghetto but i've grown up a lot. no more sassyness. i want to be more intentional with people. not just campers but the staff as well. i really want to make an impact. more so than ever. i want God to move through me to my kids and to the other staff. pray that this happens.

-my family: i'm about to live with them for the time being. pray that for.

-a job: yep, i need one of these. i would love to work in austin but only if i had a job that paid well. i have to pay for rent, loans, my car and other stuff so i would need to be financially stable. wherever i am, i just want to be safe and taken care of. i just looked at the tchs job openings and there are two openings for coaches...volleyball and tennis. eff. that would be perfect. the tennis coach is an assistant coach which would be awesome! i could totally be an assistant coach.

-my cousin sheena: she was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor (after all that ridiculous, YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME). omg. please please pray for her. this is something that is very weird for me after the whole halle bert thing. good thing for my cousin is that her tumor is operable and its benign which is awesome! still, be praying for her and for my family as she is now just starting to tell people about it.

i think that's it so please be praying for these!

did you know that you are dearly loved?
-jimmy needham

right now.

i want to fall in love. the kind of love that is sung about in songs, talked about in movies. that kind of love.


sooner rather than later.

one day left

so i have one day left of college. one. as in the only one. what the heck. how has life moved so fast? when i was younger i would think about may of 2009 and how it seemed so far away. i can remember the first day of seventh grade. i can remember sitting there on junior guard knowing that my life was about to change because i was going to be a senior at TCHS. i remember my parents leaving after they moved me into my dorm and all the emotions that went into that. wow. and now i'm graduating. from The University of Texas. one of the best public schools in the nation. i'm doing it. i can officially say that i'm a longhorn because i graduated from this amazing university. i'm not a t-shirt fan, i'm a diploma fan. boom. roasted

i will probably write a really sad post, reminiscing about my life for the past four years soon. maybe in june when i'm not doing anything with my life. i'm going to devote one post to every year of college. but for now i'll just listen to this song.



pretty pretty - the early november

one of my all-time favorite songs! can i still listen to this stuff as an adult. i think i have that peter pan syndrome. i don't wanna grow up. i want to be 19 forever.

forever.

the weekend

what a weekend. friday was younglife placement so carly and I went to jackie's mom's house to watch mccallum practice their skit and headed over to placement. it was really good! they placed 85 new leaders which is awesome! northwest austin definitely had the best skits! so after that, brody and I went home to change cause it was getting chilly and we came back up to the church. micah's 90s cover band was playing and they were called oj and the broncos. they were pretty good but I was over it. i was supposed to go to paige's party so i left with madison and we went. we were there for a while and then we went and picked up janice and went to kerbey lane. i was so tired so we went home after that.

saturday, round up 2k9. woohoo. went to players with brad, brody and cotton. after that, we were driving around west campus and saw a bunch of girls at abels so we went inside. we actually ended up staying there for a while. around 3:45 we made our way over to the zbt house to see the cool kids. man, they were awesome. i really enjoyed it. after that, we walked over to XO to use the restroom and sit for a bit. i was going to meet madison over at EX to maybe see cory morrow but it was $25 dollars so no. well i had been talking to natalie and she told me to walk over to KE and she could maybe get me in. well, as i was walking over there i saw kaki, anna, brock and brock's brother. they convinced me to go to maudie's with them. so i did. well, we ended up getting pulled over in west campus but he let us go. then when we went to maudies, we got carded twice and kaki got her margarita taken up from her. crazy. well, after that we went to sydney smith's party which was a lot of fun. after that, we went to the sig ep house for a bit and it was kinda lame. i didn't really know anyone there so i ended up leaving after an hour or so. i went to beta to see rob and there was NO ONE there. they convinced me to go to magnolia with them so i did. the end.

well, yeah. that was my first and final round up. so yeah, now i'm sitting in my bed looking at facebook pictures and listening to taylor swift seriously considering some maj life changes. i'm not healthy. i weigh the most i ever have. things need to change. i probably have high blood pressure. i gotta start watching what i eat and exercising. no more coke, no more fast food, more exercise. eek. that's pretty much what my life has come to. I'm going to take marketing pass/fail because I did really bad on the second test. right now, my average is a 70 in that class. i have to make a B. i mean, it's not going to be a big deal. i will still graduate and if i don't get into grad school then I can just teach. i'm not worried about it. God will have my back! i just really want to get to the summer. now, it's pretty much a race to the finish line. i just have a couple more tests in a couple more classes and then things are pretty much done. but yeah, speaking of life changes i definitely told myself that i wouldn't worry about the little things and love more and more. i think i've been doing a good job. i'm going to try and not be in such bad moods anymore. it's good.

i'll update lates. i decided that i'm going to chi-o backyard bash. peace out studying.

springy break 09

so I'm up late and I figured I do a recap of spring break oh nine.

friday - i left austin way to late and hit a lot of traffic going into houston. but, i did take grand parkway to the tollway which i will start doing from now on. it's amazing. when i drove in, i went straight to gringos with my mom and aunt anna for din and drinks. after that, i FINALLY got to see kailynn. she's beautiful! she's got a lot of hair and looks like steven. it was awesome. i got a text from mom and she said that she was by herself at bravos so I went by there and had a drink with her. after that, i went back to grandma's house and watched role models with steven and monica

saturday - did NOTHING all day. turned down a suite at the rodeo to go see ace enders in spring. i drove almost two hours to see a 45 minute show. i hope he knows how much i sacrificed to see him! oh well. it was damn good and of course, i was a little girl and didn't talk to him. but! i did take a picture of his license plate. after that, i went back to gmas house and hung

sunday - woke up and went to breakfast with the fam. afterwards, went to best buy with my mom where she bought me summer heights high. went to sam's and then she told me that they wanted to buy me a new car. after that we went to grandma's house for steven's birthday dinner. after that i think i went home and then came back to the house and spent the night.

monday - hung out at grandma's house and i think i went and worked out and i can't really remember anything else. oh yeah, i went to hooters with dj and it was okay...

tuesday - went to the softball game with gabby and jennifer. afterwards we went to bravos for drinks cause it was st. patrick's day! after that i was going to go out but that didn't happen. i ended up going to dj's and hanging out. went back to my house and slept

wednesday - went to lunch with the rents and then went to baskins and cavenders. i went to my aunt gina's house and my grandma cooked for me and i watched american idol with my aunt. i went to go hang out at dj's house and then rob and i went to raquel guardiola's house to watch a movie. this was when madison called me and told me that we were going to taylor swift together!!

thursday - worked out, went over to dj's house and watched lost with his dad. after that, went back to grandma's house and hung out for a while and watched the office. hung out at grandma's house and i think i went to sleep there.

friday - hung out in the morning and was getting ready for taylor swift. left my house and got to madison's house. we immediately went to the alford's and i got to see john which was great. i hadn't seen him in so long and it was the first time i had talked to him since the accident. his family seems to be in great spirits but my heart still breaks for them. after that we went to the rodeo and madison and i walked around for a while. i've been hanging out with madison a lot and have enjoyed it. she's so easy to talk to and she's a really good friend. the concert was good. taylor swift is amazing and my new crush. i can't stop listening to this one song called breathe. after the concert, i drove home and got home pretty late. on saturday i woke up, my parents went to the beach so i just went to my grandma's house and hung out there all day. i was waiting for the evening because i was supposed to watch the game with dj. i picked up din, watched the horrible game in whcih we could've won and then went back to my house.

sunday - woke up and laid around. went to a crawfish boil in dickinson with monica's family pretty much the entire day. after that, i went back to grandma's house. steven then picked me up and we went to my cousin's house and then to taqueria. i slept at grandma's and it was not good sleep.

monday - woke up and did a lot of random stuff and didn't come back to austin.

tuesday - came back to austin. without a new car. and still feeling a slight amount of dizziness.

in a nutshell, that was my spring break!

what i'm listening to lately

so what have I been listening to lately?! a lot of good shiz, here it goes:

kate nash - wow, this girl is legit. she's from london and i love her music. we get on and foundations are my favorites. www.myspace.com/katenashmusic

kings of leon - this band owns! and they are from the united states! my favorite song is use somebody. i love this song! www.myspace.com/kingsofleon

taylor swift - yep, i've been listening to a lot of taylor swift. what can i say, she's awesome and i'm seeing her in concert on friday night at the rodeo for free with madison! thanks madison you are the best!

MGMT - this band owns as well. they are pretty weird but awesome.

hot chip - i kinda saw them at acl but didn't start listening to them until recently. check them out


that's it for now! i'll be back with more soon

my obsession

so the title of this post is my obsession. what is it?! what could it possibly be?! bwahaha, emo. if you don't know, the early november is my absolute band since i can remember. well, i can actually remember. here's my story:

so when I was a junior in high school, rob and i started getting into the whole "emo" scene. even before that, we started listening to those kind of bands. well i remember one night i was staying over at rob's house and that was when WinMx was big. WinMx was a place where you could download music from and we abused that. well i was searching for new bands to listen to and i decided to type, yes i definitely typed this, emo. when i typed emo, the song open eyes by the early november came up. it was the first one that came up so i decided to download it. little did i know this would become my all-time favorite song ever, yep, it still is.

so after i downloaded this song and enjoyed it, i started to download more of their stuff. i liked a lot of their music. well a year had passed and I really started liking them more and more. so this one weekend during senior year i went to austin to hang out and rob called me and asked if i wanted to go to the early november concert that sunday night in houston. i was like HELL YES. so we were still in austin and we had to drive all the way back, shower, and then rob picked me up and we went to the engine room (rip). that was one bad ass concert! hawthorne heights was playing so it got extremely crazy. well that was my first of four early november concerts. it was at that concert that i got the entire band to sign my cd. it was awesome. i still have that cd case in my truck right now, signed by ace, sergio, jeff and joe.

the next time i saw TEN was in december of my freshman year in college. i woke up that day and told myself that that was the only thing on my agenda. i woke up, ate at wendys and walked, yep walked, to emo's on sixth. i ended up being like fourth in line and i got there pretty early. what the heck. well that was a pretty kick ass show. it was the only concert that i was able to document. it was on a monday and i missed byx meeting because of it.

the next time i saw TEN was during my sophomore year at antone's in austin. i was sick at the time and it was really cold. i remember that amanda neugebauer dropped me off. TEN was actually playing with cartel so it was a great show. i had missed them when they came to houston during spring break that previous spring. for some reason they always come to texas during spring break. well, it was a great show.

the next and FINAL time i saw TEN was during my sophomore year spring break. i decided that I didn't want to do anything that SB because I really wanted to see them. if i had had a working vehicle i probably would've traveled around texas to see them but i didn't. well this show i told myself that i wanted to be the first person in line. i wasn't. there were two girls in front of me that were there to see the rocket summer. needless to say, that was a great show. the rocket summer rocked the place and then TEN came on after them. finally, a show that TEN headlined. i didn't know that this would be the last time that i would see them live. after that show, i just sat in my truck while it was raining and reflected on a lot of things. it was kinda surreal. oh well, that's way emo. it was a few weeks later when i found out that they were going on an "indefinite hiatus." pretty much, they broke up. i was broken. damn. they were my favorite band and i loved them a lot and i didn't get to meet them really and i was pissed.

i guess it was during the summer that i found ace enders' new band called ace enders and a million different people. i actually liked them. just my luck, ace was coming to austin in november of my junior year. i immediately jumped at the opportunity to go and see them. it was a pretty good show. its like ace is starting over from the very bottom and working his way up but doing it differently. better, i like to put it. i ended up meeting ace and needless to say, it was the most awkward moment of my life. i don't get star struck really but when it comes to this guy, i totally am. he's my all-time man crush. all-time.

i think he actually played during spring break of junior year but i went to colorado so i didn't get to see him. then, they played during the summer when i was at camp so i didn't get to see them either. wamp wamp. so that brings me to today. i just got back from seeing ace enders at the java jazz coffeehouse in houston. i ended up getting there a little late because i couldn't find it. i'm stupid. oh well. it was a great set but i was there by myself. here are some pictures of tonight taken from my phone. the last picture is a picture of a new jersey license plate. when i saw the van i knew it was ace and his wife's so i took a picture of it. when i went to TEN's last concert my sophomore year i took a picture with my ghetto razr and used it as my background for as long as the phone worked. when i saw this car tonight i immediately knew i need that as my background. i ended up having to bring my truck in front of it so i could get enough light.






so now i want to do a top 5 all-time favorite early november songs!!! woohoo it's honestly hard to pick a top five but here it goes:
5. i want to hear you sad - this is an oldie but goodie. everyone loves this song because its one of the most recognizable early november songs out there

4. figure it out - this is a really great song. the only downside is that its way emo but you know me, i can definitely relate

3. baby blue - OMG there aren't too many songs I can rock out too better than baby blue. its on my workout playlist and i always go hard when it comes on. its also a great song to see played live

2. pretty pretty - you most likely wouldn't know of this song unless you are a true fan like i am. this song is way old school as in i think there were only three people in the band when this song was made. its a great great great song! i never got to see it played live though.

2. ever so sweet - i told you i couldn't make this list just five. i mean, just listen to the emotion in this song. ace played it tonight and i almost...well you know.

1. open eyes - like i said earlier this is my all-time favorite song. i could listen to this song on repeat. unfortunately, i NEVER got to see this song played live by the band but I have a video where ace is in his basement and he's playing it. from that late night that i first heard it at rob's house to listening to it right now, it never gets old. the weird thing is that there are a few different versions of the song out there on limewire but I have one specific version that I like. i think i have three different versions of it and they are pretty rough. i remember when we got our new computer i told myself that open eyes would have to be on every cd that i burned. for a while, i definitely did that but then stopped. it's an amazing song that i have enjoyed for the past six years.

if you would love for me to make your a cd of all of my early november favorite, just ask cause i would love to.

"...and through this sea of fingers, i'll find my own real life"

swear it all over again

so yesterday's post wasn't really about my life so I wanted to update. slash i secretly avoiding studying at all costs. i have a management test tomorrow that i do not want to take. i just want to make a B in the class. i'm not striving for anything crazy. we'll just see what happens tomorrow. i made a 78 on the last test and i hardly studied. seriously. i didn't study. i drifted off there for a while and now i'm back. well here's the thing. tonight is prevo's birthday dinner at 7 at pappacitos. not only is it mexican food but the fajitas are two for one. and they probably have good drinks. and i didn't pay for lunch today. but DG has a date party tonight at this place and natalie really wants me to go but i don't know if i want to go. i need to study at least a little bit. i was going to go run, shower, study until 7ish, go to prevo's thing and then come back and study till about 1. i didn't run yesterday so i want to run today. i need to get rid some of the stress!! and then i haven't had a quiet time yet. i had to watch the entire american idol. i could've done all of that earlier but NO. i wanted to sit and watch tv and be lame.

i just really want to be home. i want to meet kailynn! i'm going to be honest, i didn't think i would make it to march. the end of january and the entire month of february have been some of the toughest times of my life. it's been a daily struggle not to just lose it. but spring break is finally here and i can go home for longer than four days. i have TEN days! i'll probably end up not coming back up here until that monday or even that tuesday. i don't have any class or anything. i'll make a deal with myself, if i go to class on friday, i'll miss class that monday. so i just checked and i have class on friday for both of my classes. that'll be good though. hopefully i will be able to knock a few of those nonverbal chapters out of the way over the break. that will be stellar. so when I got back to austin a month ago i just told myself that i needed to make it to spring break and i would be fine. now, i need to make it to easter (well, when i get back to austin) and then after easter, i just need to make it til the end of school! i have no idea what i'm doing this summer. i mean, i want to go back to camp just not in this condition. yeah, it sucks. but yeah, i'm pumped about going home. on saturday i'm going to see Ace Enders in Houston! omfg its going to be balls good. i am obsessed with that man.

ok so i need to decide what i'm going to do. i don't want to drive to pappasitos so i dunno. but then if i don't go to pappasitos then i can just study but i don't think i'm going to go to dg. if i didn't have the test tomorrow i would totally go but i'm afraid that i'm going to get influenced and then not wake up tomorrow morning.

hopefully my next post will be from home!!!! woohoo

my parents

so this is one of those posts that i've thought about writing for the longest of times, here it goes.

I have tons of memories of my parents. For those of you who don't know, my step-father is my Dad. I call him Dad because he has raised me since I was three years old. My biological father is more of a sperm donor and not a father. yeah, he stinks. So all the memories of I have of my parents involve my step dad. All of the memories I have of my real dad are of hurt, pain, loneliness and abandonment.

anyway, one of the things I will never forget as a young child is watching my parents dance. we would always go to weddings, quinces or just family gatherings and I always remember my parents dancing. the one song i will always remember them always dancing to is george strait's the chair. firstly, if you ain't from texas then you don't know how much this state is obsessed with that man. what a great musicians and us texans pay hundreds of dollars to see him in concert. he doesn't really play much anymore but he still lives in san antonio on a ranch. i absolutely love this song.



i even think my parents went to this concert at the rodeo. for the longest time, my parents have loved george strait and going to his concerts. i mean, what texan doesn't?
i remember sitting there as a young boy and watching my parents holding each other close and dancing. what a sight to see. my parents have definitely had some rough patches in their lives and are even currently going through one right now but i do know that they love each other a lot and that's awesome. i hope and pray that my parents spend their whole lives together. divorce sucks and i don't think anyone should get a divorce. if you love someone once then you can always love them again. this picture is circa 2005 with the grandchildren. they are much older now.

so yeah, there's my one sobby post about my parents.

typical sunday post

so i usually always post on sundays because I don't have much to do. well, I actually wrote a really long post earlier but I don't know what happened to it or where the draft went.

week recap:
-last week i had to study for my media effects test on thursday which was going to be balls hard. i studied well into thursday morning. i'm not sure how I did on it. it could either be really good or kinda bad. oh well. i didn't really get this section so i'll have to do better on next. i might haveve done well anyway.

-i was supposed to go out on thursday night but couldn't because i was too tired and feel asleep around 10. it was awesome

-dg lunch on friday, hung out with chad harkins, went to shady grove for dinner with besties, chilled at the house on friday

-played vball for a couple of hours on saturday, went to el arroyo for dinner with a big group, GOT AN EFFING TICKET. ughhhh. whatever

-went to church today and got rocked. that's always awesome. did nothing but run over to the girls house. cool.

so kailynn rae cavazos was born on friday! woohoo! a healthy baby girl! awesome! i can't wait to meet her! i'm going to go home either thursday or friday. i think friday so i can at least hang out with cotton for one more day. i'm excited for spring break and not worrying about much for a couple of days. exactly what I need. i just can't believe that spring break is already here! we've done eight weeks of school already! i'm gonna try and lose a couple of pounds while home. i need to lock it up. i've been lookin' a lil roundski if you know what i mean. i'm currently at spiderhouse/mia concert. that have been blaring mia's cds for the past hour. yes. so i have two tests this week that i need to study for. i think i decided that i'm going to try and dominate this marketing and finance classes. i can definitely make an A in finance and a B in marketing. i'm going to try harder in nonverbal to potential make an A. if i do well on the next two tests and we do good on the project, i should make an A. i'm not going to be a sketch student anymore. eff that! anyway, i'm starting to get creeped out by the characters here at spiderhouse. i mean, it's 12:30 in the morning on a sunday night, lord knows what kinda people are here right now. a lot of hippies, a lot of dreds, a lot of macs. you know, austin. oh yeah, and bad teeth.

well i got off a huge tangent and started looking at strake basketball videos. i think this post has run its course. peace