ah

i need joy in my life right now. at bible study on tuesday we talked about how we've seen jesus in the past week and i haven't really. i need to see Him more. i'm not getting enough of him. yesterday, the depression kinda hit hard and it put me in a weird situation. i slept for four hours yesterday (nap) and woke up feeling like shit. it was horrible. now, i have a small head cold that's getting on my nerves. this next week is going to be hell! i've gotta do a lot on friday, saturday and sunday so i can get back on track with everything.

be praying that God would give me joy. it's hard to be joyful when my ipod and best pen get taken from me on the same day. what the heck. and now i have this head cold. to top that off, i'm the fattest i've ever been! I haven't been eating good nor working out. i really want to go to volleyball practice tonight and get a good work out in but i can't or i won't....maybe i can try to find someone to pepper with. i really need to work out because i'm getting way fat. oh well

pray that I would seek the Lord and not worldly desires because that's what i've been doing lately. i've only been thinking about myself and not others. i need to be more selfless.

pray for me

spring break

so i think i'm going skiing over spring break! cotton, devin, russell, jeremy, ali, janice and i are going to stay at Ali's cabin in Colorado over Spring Break. I think I will be skiing for three days and all of the other guys (except russell) will ski four days. There is no way that I could physically do it. I talked to my Mom today about paying for it or most of it and she sounded like she would. She did her typical, "Well, you still have this wrong with you, something that you own..." In this case, she was referring to my inspection stick on the truck. It expired last month. Oh well, I hope that everything works out and the parentals can help me out.

I'm so scared about grades. I feel like if I do bad on something, it will take me forever to check the grades. I need to get over that fear and man up and accept it.

I'm way bummed about volleyball. I went to watch the guys play on Saturday and I wanted to play so badly. They were doing really well. Apparently they went undefeated which is awesome. Probably the first time in a very long time where they hadn't lost. This could be very good for them because I think the better teams are in the south anyway. They could probably beat every team in the north. I would like to keep up with my skills and not lose them. Hopefully, during the summer, I could play sand a couple of times a week. I should try and find a group of people who are willing to play on a consistent basis every week. I'm already excited for next season. Stewart, Woo, Shawn and hopefully Cullen are coming back. There will for sure be a second team. All of those guys will definitely be on the second team because their positions will be filled on the first team. As far as Jay and Gaspar go, I'm not sure. Gaspar will most likely stay on the first team and depending on the coach, Jay could potentially be on the second team. We'll have to see what setters there are next season to see where they get placed. If Ryan comes back then Matt will for sure be on the second team but if he doesn't, he could get put on the first team and I might start on the second? It doesn't really matter for me, I want to set. We could both end up on the first team, who knows. You can't really assume anything.

This has been an extremely long post. I'm pretty sure that this post contains no run-on's or fragments, I'm trying to keep it classy. Lates

you drive me crazy

oh man. money is going to drive me up the wall. i have to buy a new cell phone, $65 for younglife retreat, lots of money for bills. the list goes on and on. why is money such a strain on life?! i hate it! it makes my mom go crazy at me. sometimes i feel like she's a drug dealer and she wants her money or she will kill me. i swear that's how she makes me feel sometimes.

I haven't been giving that stress and problems to God and that's why its hitting me all of a sudden, so hard. Lord, I pray that you would give mom my and I peace about money and that we won't dwell on it. If we do dwell, it will start to consume my life and it will let Satan tell me that I need more and more and its all about money. I know that he tries to tell me that all the time but I pray that you would intervene and keep my mind focused on you and on giving for your kingdom. You will provide for me. I know this is completely true. The past two years is a testament to how you have and will continue to provide for me.

I'm excited about my new cell! Lord, bless me with a small job this semester! Any kind of income would be great! I would like that and I think it would keep me up with school in that I would know what I need to do.

I'm going to watch chris play basketball today! go trojans!

fifth wheel

is what I feel like when I'm my roommates and their girlfriends, awkward. i'm glad that I don't have pressure to show up with a girlfriend. who cares, it's not a big deal.

ok so volleyball is crazy right now as in I don't know if I will be playing because my team has all quit. what the heck? adler quit and apparently a lot of the other players quit as well. maybe this is a sign from God. This is an extremely crazy semester and I need all the time I can get to pursue kids and my education. I dunno, we'll see what happens this weekend when we go to college station. i'm pumped to go to college station to hang out with henry! I've missed him a lot and hopefully we'll do something fun tomorrow night.

be praying for volleyball and an answer from the Lord about what to do!

i'm off the college station!

the struggle

i feel like the only love i give out sometimes is tough love. i think because it's the only love that I was given a child so it's the only thing I know. i'm trying to find a way to give love that is pure and from the heart. i don't want it to be fake or structured but real.

on a side note: i've been trying to get Jesus in everyday. He's already revealed to me that I need to do a better job at loving my parents specifically my Mom. She's in dyer need of joy in her life and I pray that through Him, she's able to find that. My mom knows truth and spirit but I feel like she can't fully let go and let God. Pray for her and that she would be able to be vulnerable even though the world tells her to do it on her own. Like me, she is also very independent and that's what I feel is holding her back.

a lot of stuff is going wrong with volleyball. the first team is being way crazy which is causing our coach to want to not coach us which I can't let happen. If he leaves, then I don't see any reason for me or any of us to stay. It's not worth it. He's worked so hard this past semester and I know how he feels when one of his best players is taken away. Be praying that I can act godly in this situation and I won't let my emotions get the best of me. I know that Adler can coach us to victory, he's a great coach. I want to step up and be a better player. I want to play where ever he puts me. I can definitely set all-around, I just need him to be confident that I can do it.

listen to kina grannis, she's my new obsession.
www.myspace.com/kinagrannis