alone in a crowded room

why do i feel like no one understands me? i hate feeling like this. i want to dance/rock out in the room with someone else, but i find myself doing it alone. being by yourself is awesome until your alone and until you feel alone. what am i supposed to do? i'm such a loner. i wonder if there is someone else right now in the world doing the exact same thing that i am, thinking this exact same idea. this makes me feel even more lonely.

why do i feel soo lonely. jesus, be enough for me. i try and find things/materials/stupid stuff to get me occupied and away from my thoughts. i so want to be by myself because i feel like i have nothing to offer people. why do i feel this way? jesus, take this from me. satan is trying to use this against me, don't let him. at times i don't want people to know anything about me. i took my birthday off of facebook so that no one could throw me a surprise party and so i that i could be mad at myself when no one throws me a surprise party. weird, i know. i feel like the only people who know my birthday are my parents and some of my family. i guess this is just a trick to see who really knows me.

blah i hate this

small enough

why do i have such bad inclusion issues? one small thing that happens makes me feel like i'm not good enough for people. not getting invited to the beauty 101 thing, not being asked to do student staff. i really want to do student staff, i hope for the right reasons. i need to be praying about that. why do i always feel like i'm not good enough, like i'm constantly on the b-team for everything. i feel like the reason i didn't asked to do student staff was because i'm not a "stud" like the others.

"let it all out, get it all out..."
-relient k

pray for that, pray that i wouldn't feel that way in this group of believers. i was trying to find scripture that would help me out with this but i can't. i'll be praying that God can give me a peace about that, that i don't dwell on it. He's enough for me. He's enough for me. i need to remind myself that He is sufficient! praise 'Em.

rescue me

i'm dealing with depression right about now. i've always dealt with it but i'm now starting to realize that it's pretty serious. it's not all the time but it just hits me like a bag of bricks and pulls me down. i need to seek help. what do christians do when they are depressed? i don't feel like i can pray for it because i want to tell someone what's going on wrong inside of me. i don't know how to express how i really feel. one small thing can trigger it. i will start to dwell on things that have happened in the past or the now. i can never let things go. i always forgive but never forget. that's a huge problem i have now.

my parents have gone crazy. there is a lot of negativity in this house. i don't even know what to do/say about my younger brother. he's completely in his own world. he has to be. he's always alone and by himself. i want so much for him to become a man of faith, deep faith. how should i go about helping him? he's only twelve. i don't want him to get involved with the wrong crowd. it's going to take a lot of patience on my part and definitely a lot of grace. pray for that. pray for my parents and my siblings. i wish they could get a small glimpse of what i see on a daily base with people and the way God works through them.

it's 36 degrees here in houston. what the heck? it wasn't this cold during the winter time. it's snowing in north texas. amazing.

"i know you're sorry, i know what you must be going through and i feel sorry for you, but please don't leave me now."
-the early november