twenty, for now.

so nineteen forever is out the window. today is my birthday. all together, good friends good food good family good music equal good times. wish my besties were here to celebrate it with me. i miss them, a lot. i hope they come back soon!

i really wanted an ipod but didn't get one. my grandma gave me $100 but we all know where that is going to go. i need to buy myself something. my mom as well. i really want to give her like a picture of her and I when I was young and put it in a nice picture frame but i haven't been home. I need to talk to my grandma and tell her about it. i wish i was 21! i want a margarita. NOW.

i love it. i love Jesus. He's been pursuing me well this past week. i think i can do it. i'm gonna finish this race. he's great! there is this song i found called "my heart" by paramore. i get the chills when I listen to it. it's everything that i've been crying out to say.

"i am finding out that maybe i was wrong. that i fallen down and i can't do this alone. stay with me, this is what I need. please?

sing us a song, and we'll sing it back to You
we can sing our own but what would it be without You?

I am nothing now, and it's been so long
since i've heard a sound, the sound of my only hope
this time i will be listening

sing us a song, and we'll sing it back to You.
we can sing our own but what would it be without You?

(best part)
this heart it beats, beats for only You
this heart it beats, beats for only You

this heart it beats, beats for only You
my heart is Yours

this heart it beats, beats for only You
my heart is Yours

This heart it beats, beats for only You
my heart is Yours..."

in this diary

Here in this diary,
I write you visions of my summer.
It was the best I ever had.
There were choruses and sing-alongs,
and that unspoken feeling
of knowing that right now is all that matters.
All the nights we stayed up talking
listening to 80's songs;
and quoting lines from all those movies that we love.
It still brings a smile to my face.
I guess when it comes down to it...

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right.

Breaking into hotel swimming pools,
and wreaking havoc on our world.
Hanging out at truck stops just to pass the time.
The black top's singing me to sleep.
Lighting fireworks in parking lots,
illuminate the blackest nights.
Cherry cokes under this moonlit summer sky.
2015 Riverside, it's time to say, "goodbye."
Get on the bus, it's time to go.

Get it right

poop

i messed up

pray for me.

pray that i find accountability, fast.