one year coming.

this will probably be one of the more meaningful posts.

it's been one year. one year since this happened. you can read that post and see what happened. but it's been one year since that went down. i've been thinking about this day for a very long time. i was so scared and anxious a year ago from today. i thought i was going to die. that tuesday morning when i went to the emergency room, i had no idea what was going on with me and neither did the doctors at the hospital. they gave me this long list of things that it could've been. eventually, i would figure it out and i got over it but was never the same. at least for the following months.

from november 18th 2008 up until about the middle of april were the hardest months of my life. these days were filled with anxiety, depression, faithlessness, anger and pain. those days were hard. during that time not only did my blood pressure sky rocket but so did my weight. at my peak i was weighing in right around 250. yep, i was huge. because i could careless about anything I was drinking and eating anything I wanted. on top of that i stopped playing volleyball and that didn't help. i'm not going to lie, it was hard and I was hurtin. I turned into a hypochondriac. trust me, this is not laughing matter. as someone who has gone through and suffered through this, it's real and it sucks. keep that in mind when someone tells you they are one.

eventually, i would pull myself out of this slump. it took a lot of strength and soul searching. a trip to my "happy place" (ozark) helped a lot as well. honestly, i felt loads better during my time at ozark. after ozark, i moved back home and that's where i've been for the past couple of months. nothing would be better than some good news on november 18th 2009, exactly one year to the day that everything started. i can say that I don't weigh anywhere near 250 and my blood pressure is either below or at normal. i've been trying to work out everyday to rid myself of the high blood pressure/cholesterol/anxiety. i have to say that i'm glad that today i'm alive and kicking and praising Him for bringing me out of the darkest times of my life. i won't lie to you, i was pretty angry with God for allowing me to go through this but am trying to wrap my mind around what He wanted to teach/show me. While I'm not perfect by any means, I'm trying my hardest to do what I think he wants me to.

So yeah, that's my one-year rant. Please comment and let me know what you think and how you think I've changed in the past year; for better or for worse. texas fight.