that's how many roommates i've gone through the past three years. as you can see i've lived with at least five other dudes who were the same age, had the same interests, had the same problems, same joys and so on for the past three years. now, i live with my parents which include my mom, dad, grandmother and younger brother. i'm not going to lie, it sucks. sometimes i feel like i'm going crazy here. i know that I only have 25 more weeks until I get back to ozark (yep, i'm counting). after that, i will either start my life in houston, dallas or austin. i will no longer be in texas city. i can't describe to you how weird and frustrating it is to live here sometimes. i don't have anyone to talk to. honestly, it wouldn't be as hard if i just had one actual friend that i could hang out with daily. i have no problem hanging out with the same people over and over. so far, the people that i want to hang out with here in texas city have let me down tremendously and i wanna give up.
if you don't know me, i'm an extremely intentional person. if there is one thing in college that i've learned it's how to be intentional. i have no problem getting plans together to hang out with people but the past couple of times people have let me down. my uncle who's only two years older than me called me last wednesday and asked me if i wanted to go see a movie on friday which i replied yes. i was excited about getting to hang out with him and his wife and see this movie. well, on friday, i texted him and asked him what time he wanted to go see if and he said that he had to ask his wife and then he said that they didn't have a babysitter so no. i got kinda frustrated because how are you going to invite me to do something and then renege and not go? my lame-beat dad used to do that crap to me ALL THE TIME. i don't have time for it. i told him exactly how i felt. honestly, he kinda lost some of my trust because of that. for too long i let my real father do that stuff for me without stand up for myself (as a young child i shouldn't have to) but not anymore. i'm not going to sit here and let anyone do that to me. i'm too old for that. that's not me being stubborn, that's me protecting myself because no one else is going to.
my cousin who is seven days older than me and a recent college graduate does the exact same thing. i seriously text and call him all the time to hang out and the majority of the time he doesn't respond or call back. now i know that he doesn't have that many friends where he can't even respond/call back. the only time we hang out is when he calls me. granted he does have a daughter and a job but i wanna hang out. i should just give up because its going to be like this all the time. the funny thing was the moment i got into austin he texted me like three times asking what i was doing. weird. oh well.
the last person is my sister. i went over for her birthday and she told me to come over whenever and that she wanted me to start coming over more and everytime i've tried to come over there has been some excuse or she doesn't call/text me back until later and it never works out. this isn't coincidence, if she really wanted me to come over then should would call me and say come over. i just don't want to get suckered into someone's lies. i'm too old for that. i'm not going to let myself fall for that because that is how i got like i am in the first place so now it's up to me to make sure that i don't make the same mistake again. that's kinda why i don't wanna go to austin if i'm going feel all depressed and anxious. it's not worth it. i'm trying to live and live well, not die early because i was so freaked out.
be pray that while i might not have any actual friends here in texas city that i would run towards jesus and that jesus would be my friend each and everyday and that he can be a friend like that (john 15:13 (camp ozark 2009))! He is the only one i need, the only one that i need to answer to and the only one that i need to please. Father you are good and I pray that this happens.
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