have you ever thought about the perfect life? you know, the life that you've envisioned, imagined since you were little? for me, I can't remember the last time I haven't thought about my "perfect" life. i wish i could tell you more about it, but it would be too weird. every situation that i go through, i wonder how different it would be if I was in my "perfect" world. i guess things would be too perfect, but i feel like people around me have this. my "perfect" life would definitely involve me serving and loving people better. i do a horrible job at both of these things and i think that is what draws people away from me. i guess I can tell you some of the stuff. of course, the perfect world would have me not worrying about anything monetary. i wouldn't have to worry about tuition, rent, bills or extra cash. I wouldn't have to be bogged down by money. i would be able to do things (like working at camp instead of westwood last summer) that i really want to do in life. i would have a better car. most importantly, i would be able to serve people better and love people. i feel like I let the money and the material things get in the way of me doing these things for other people. Jesus, how can I live in the present and love and serve better?
I haven't been pursuing Christ at all lately. its becoming hard. i'm becoming complacent. i need Him to reveal himself to me. seeking Him is a struggle right now. there are times when i feel like i don't even need Him, that with all of these "perfect" things it would be easier to love Him, seek Him and pursue Him better. what's that verse about suffering? as I was going to bible gateway to find verses about suffering, i saw this...
“[The God of All Comfort] Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”
2 corinthians 1: 3-4
if only I could believe this wholeheartedly. why don't I? its like i need to see comfort and not just feel it. haha the next verse says...
"For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort."
5-7
this post is very long, sorry about that. i didn't even get to talk about what is really on my heart. something that has been troubling me a lot lately is my relationship with my (old friends). two years ago tonight, we were in dobie watching count of monte cristo. we made these bracelets out of petzl rope and had a blast. we were all so excited because of the ski trip the next day. those were the days. if you would've told me then that things would be like they are now, i wouldn't believe you. i thought we would all be best friends forever. it seems like yesterday. the way that my relationship with the tripod (lucy, germs, andie), lontoc, durant, ali, and all of the guys (michael, boone, brad, joe) has changed so much. change that i never wanted. what am I supposed to do?
i'm going to email boone and holla at him. please be praying that i would find comfort in Christ and that my trip to colorado with some of my besties will be great and that i will have opportunities to share my heart with them so that they too can be praying for me. i love you all, all ye few.
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