urgent care

So currently I am sitting in urgent care waiting to be seen. I think I might have a hernia. Last night I was laying in bed and I tried to sit up. When I tried this, I felt this rush of discomfort in the groin area and I started freaking out a bit. I had no idea what going on. Immediately, I got on the internet and looked up 'hernia' to see some symptoms and causes of it. After spanish, I came here and have been sitting here since about 11:45 (its currently 1:35). I hope that its not a hernia and maybe just a horribly pulled muscle, but I don't know. One, I have no idea how I would get a hernia because I can't remember the last time I lifted something heave and two, it was so all of a sudden.

What that being sad, I honestly believe that God is punishing me for how I have been acting recently; especially this past weekend. This weekend was not good for me as far as pursuing the Lord. I started to let myself stumble and end up falling on the ground very hard, so to speak. I completely shut off the Lord from my life this past weekend and didn't bother to think of Him. Because of that, I feel like he is punishing me. Good that I see coming out of this is one, God does love me and he wants me in his kingdom. He wants me to go out and love and serve my neighbor. I've had doubts whether God knows me or loves me but now I feel like I have a better sense of that. Two, punishment sucks. I don't even know if I have a hernia yet but the suffering that I've had to go through the past couple of hours sucks. My hernia doesn't hurt that bad but the fear or having one and having to get surgery is enough to put my smoked turkey sandwich on rye that I had for lunch, in a roller coaster in my stomach.

I ask that you would pray for me. Not only for my hernia problem but that I would fall back into his arms. I need to start seeking Him more and more. I will fall into a very dark place if I don't. This weekend, I kinda got a sense of where I could potentially end up if I don't have Jesus in my life. I know now that He wants me even more than I want Him at times, which is so good for my heart to hear.

UPDATED: Well, I finally got out of the urgent care and I don't have a hernia! yes! We believe it's just a pulled muscle down there where it hurts probably the worse. Oh well! I'm not going to club tonight because I need to take a teezy (take it easy).

Praise Him!