nineteen forever

i don't want to grow up. do we have to? i want to be nineteen forever. i'd say this was a pretty good year for me. i turned 19 when i was at camp and it was soo fun.

i'm sitting on my balcony right now just listening to life as it is going on. cars going on lamar, birds churping, hornets buzzing very closely to me (extremely uncomfortable), listening to this ICMAM song on repeat. this is probably the sixth time i've listened to it. this is so peaceful. this summer is kind of in the full swing of things. i don't think it will really feel like summer until june starts. if the entire summer is going to be like this then it's going to suck. i feel like i'm by myself. no one is here for me! i hope and pray that that will change in these coming weeks. i'm on my own and i don't like it. i'd rather be going to school. when i'm by myself is when i'm most vulnerable to do things or look at things that i shouldn't. i need that accountability that i had during the school year when everyone was here. pray for that. i hope summer academy is the place where i can get this accountability.

i'm going to miss this next year. miss being able to come on the balcony and hang out whenever i wanted to. i didn't use it enough. hopefully this summer i will be able to come out here a lot but only if these damn hornets would go away!

i've been reading blue like jazz at work. it took me like a day to read half of it! it's pretty big too. i just want to be sure not to waste this summer, that i use it for something useful in my life. i think i might go downstairs and watch a movie or something. it's getting pretty hot out here. just be sure to pray for me with summer and stuff. don't forget about me!